"People who are running projects and shoulder a lot of accountability," she says, "and may feel overly responsible when making choices for other people in a company or small or large business."
Taking care of one's self can fall by the wayside in the effort to care for others. Debra's desire to help people find healthy answers to stressful situations led her to become a therapist offering a range of services and with an expertise in counseling women executives as described on her website.
Lead at Home
Debra, located in Laguna Hills, saw this principle in action when she counseled a woman who took time off from her career to help her children. As an executive, the woman was rewarded and empowered through her paycheck, but she didn't get paid to be a mother. It was like she was giving of herself but she faced a deficiency.
There are principles of how both a business and family function. In the business units of a company, if staff members are feeling honored and their needs are met then productivity is likely to increase. In a family, if people's needs are met and they are recognized for contributing then a family can become a harmonious and cooperative unit.
When the client looked at her family like a team, and that her role was the head of the team the way she worked at her company, then she could found greater satisfaction at home.
Debra's professional skills in organizational psychology and organizational leadership help executives and family members including teens navigate the on-going process. The path is never easy, but Debra says every burden can be a lesson. "There's something to learn about yourself in every situation. To keep the community thriving, we have to look at our skills, our needs, and our wants."
And if your needs aren't being met at work or home then begin to look where you can be of service. "Seeking to be of service to others keeps us out of our own heads. If you're feeling tired and angry then look to help someone else who is tired and angry. They'll get a benefit from your lack of selflessness. It's a two-way street."
If your need is to be loved then go find love. If it's being acknowledged then go acknowledge someone else. Emotional supports are effective stress reducers. In a 2015 study released by the American Psychological Association, Americans who say they have emotional support report lower stress levels and better related outcomes than those without emotional support. In a survey, forty-three percent of those who say they have no emotional support report that their overall stress has increased in the past year, compared with twenty-six percent of those who say they have emotional support.
"I'll have family members write down as many values as possible and then I look to see what's in common. Words like honesty, respect, love may be shared in a family of 5. Then people can gauge their actions and ask if it's loving, respectful, or honest? Those become the three common cores of your relationships."
As you establish your common values, Debra recommends evaluating them from time to time. She's also realistic that no one person holds the key to fulfill all your needs. "That's why we have friends and acquaintances. If we have at least three common values then we can work through any struggle."